Colton Haynes has opened up about his mental health struggles.
The 28-year-old actor – who is best known for his roles in ‘Teen Wolf’ and ‘Arrow’ – admitted he was struggling to cope before coming out as gay earlier this year and checking in to cope with anxiety issues.
Colton shared two diary excerpts with Paper magazine and the November 2, 2014, entry showed the depths of his despair.
He wrote: "I honestly wake up after five hours of sleep wide-awake. It’s probably from the bottle of wine I drank before I finally fell asleep/passed out or the amount of pills I’d had. I read up on why I’m experiencing numbness and lack of circulation in my hands and feet and it’s due to the stimulants I’ve been taking for quite some time now. It causes the blood flow to move toward the heart therefore removing it from the lesser needed places like my hands and feet.
"I’m a vampire. A shell. Wishing I was the old Colton. The person who used to love going out and talking to my family/friends. Now I’m so closed off to the world that I can’t even get up enough courage to go in public. I’m afraid of people and have become agoraphobic.
"To the public eye, my possibilities are endless, but in my mind, I’m fading away and battling to hide the pain and emotion that has plagued me my entire life. I’ve cheated, lied and finally owned up to it…I am lonely. This is my fault, though. I don’t want to let anyone in. People don’t understand the things you give up when you step into the limelight. No one really wants to get to know you."
However, after seeking help this year, Colton’s diary entry on November 12, 2016, makes for much happier reading.
He wrote: "I always look at old photos hoping to relive the memory. But what I’m finally seeing is that I can’t and wouldn’t want to go back to that headspace ever again. So clouded and unsure about myself, my life, my privacy, my mental health. I’m finally in a position where I can say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve accomplished so much with so little and my smile is finally not forced. I’ve taken control of my own life for the first time and won’t let anyone silence me or my passions ever again.
"I’m finally free. I’m successful. I’m independent…But most of all, I’m outspoken."